Such a neat moment

I've heard so many other breastfeeding mothers' woes about being bitten by their babies while nursing. Since Abbie's had teeth she's bitten me a few times, but the instances are few and far between. My plan was to be consistant in my response whenever she bit me--I would yell out to shock her and make her realize that what she'd just done was a no-no. It's worked pretty well and like I said, it hasn't happened very much.

This morning I was nursing her in bed--this has got to be one of the best parts of breastfeeding--I get to do it while I doze. Since I was pretty much asleep I don't know if Abbie was drifting off and just happened to clamp down, or if she did it more on purpose. Either way, she bit me. Hard. Without thinking I yelled out "OW! ABBIE!" This shocked her and she started to cry. Not the normal cry, but one that tells me she's hurting inside. I started to cry because it had hurt so badly. In that moment I decided to show her my face and my tears. I thought, hey, she should know that mommy has emotions too.

And then the coolest thing happened. She stopped crying and sort of half-smiled at me, not because she thought I was being funny, but actually trying to make me smile in return. I shook my head and said, "Abbie, when you bite Mommy, it really hurts me." I was still teary at this point. Then she gave me a look I've never seen before--she furrowed her brows and looked deep into my eyes. And then when I gathered her up in my arms she started to cry again. She GOT IT. She understood my heart in that moment. She understood my tears and why I was hurt! It was so amazing. It had nothing to do with simple behavior modification. It was a mother and a daughter sharing a painful moment together--a real human interaction.

This morning gives me so much hope for my family. It excites me to realize that it's possible to be vulnerable in a family and to share emotions together, and to stand by each other and even grow in love for each other through good AND bad times.

Six Month Birthday

Today is Abigail's six month birthday. It's so hard to believe that half a year has flown by already. I took this picture of Abbie in the leaves yesterday in front of the Asbury administration building. There are more on our flikr site :-) Enjoy, and have a great Thanksgiving!

Things on my mind

Reading my sister's blog has challenged me to open up a little bit more in mine. It's so easy to talk about what Abbie's up to, because it changes every day...and I get a little weirded out because I don't know exactly who's reading this blog--the medium is so strange! But anyway, here goes.

I met with one of my counseling profs last week, actually on the day my new nephew was born, to try to iron out my spring schedule. I started taking classes in 2005, and it really wasn't until this semester that I really decided to commit to finishing the program. But for this reason, I'm pretty far behind in a program that's designed to be 25 months long. I'm feeling stressed about taking the right classes at the right time, and I'm worrying that things I learned in some of the basic classes I took over a year ago aren't sticking with me. One thing I was considering for the spring was beginning my first practicum (I need 600 hours total! How the heck am I ever going to fit THAT into my life?!). but after lots of talking and prayer----yes, against all odds, Matt and I actually prayed about this (we don't pray very much, but that's a whole 'nother blog) I've decided to wait to start the practicum until this summer. Which is a relief. I'm not ready to counsel real people with real problems yet. I have the skills, but personally I need to grow a little more.

So my counseling prof, who's had me in class several times and who knows me really well, actually encouraged me to start considering doctoral work after I finish at Asbury. ! I'm still sort of in a daze from this conversation. The thing is, she's really down-to-earth and since she told me she thinks I could do it, I know she really believes I could. She told me that, for me, it wouldn't be a matter of getting into a program, it would be a matter of finding the time to finish the dissertation. Having worked with doctoral students for so long, I know this is THE struggle students face. Of course the option of pursuing a Ph.D. is on the table...it's just hard to imagine how that would fit into my life, especially if (when) Matt and I have more kids.

Holy crap, I would love to get my Ph.D. I would love the doors that would open up--to teach, to write, who knows what else! I would love my kids to have a mom who went as far as she could possibly go in school. What an awesome example that would be!

I admitted to my prof that what I do in my spare time is research....stuff. Anything. If I'm going to make any decision, you can bet that hours of research is going to be logged before I actually decide. It's so lame and nerdy! But I really can't get enough of it.

I wonder if I'm boring whoever's reading this. But I guess it's my blog so I can be as boring as I want :-)

Our church is having its annual retreat this weekend. I'm so looking forward to being outside, even in the cold--to seeing the trees and to hanging out with church people. It is so awesome to see how much everyone loves Abbie. And she just soaks up the attention. I'm looking forward to sitting by the fire with Matt and Abs, and just being cozy. We went last year, but I was still in my first trimester, so I didn't feel so hot. Hopefully I'll have energy to go on a hike or something this weekend. Toting my 20-lb tubster :-) She is really giving me a work out these days.

A week of firsts

October 31, 2007, 5:30pm

Abbie's first few bites of solid food--homemade rice cereal. (After a week and a half of Abbie waking up two to three times to nurse, we decided she needed to be tanked up with a little extra bulk for the night. It's worked like a charm! Oh, and by the way, I have a new favorite website!!)

October 31, 2007, 6:30pm

Abbie's first Halloween outting, dressed as a chicken. She was so sleepy!

November 1, 2007, 10:00am

Abbie...is SITTING UP!